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Spelunking in the Pain Cave...
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Saturday, 10 December 2011 02:00
Pain Cave Promo LINK
By Angonia Cueva
The cave felt heavy and dank, the nearby sound of water dripping down from the coffered ceiling echoing off the walls and running deep into the darkness like a goblin. Clenching my fists, I tried to summon my courage as I stepped forward gingerly, testing the ground with my cycling shoes, being careful not to slip on the jagged rock floor. I could feel the vast emptiness and the frailty of my fate on my fingertips as I reached forward to find the way. I found my bike on my trainer, nearly toppling over it in the dark, it
Gourmet Kitchens, Deer Rifles & Timeshares...
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Friday, 09 December 2011 02:00
Holiday Gift Giving Stuff - On Wednesday we published a list of the the Holiday gifts that MTN, as sponsor of the MMAs, would have liked to bestow upon the guys who made this year's Team Minnesota. Because we're basically broke, we gave them Team posters instead.
Today we share what we wished we could have given the girls' Team members.
1. Claire Bootsma - Claire is a terrific cook. Therefore we'd like to give her a Gourmet Kitchen, complete with stuff like Ginsu Knives, Vego-Matics and appliances from Warner's Stellian. We plan to renovate the kitchen in Claire's apartment when she and Dan are in Norway attending the World Mustache Competition. We hope the new kitchen will look like the one in the photo (L)....
Early-Bird Savings...
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Thursday, 08 December 2011 02:00
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
OptumHealth Performance announces 2012 TRIATHLON SERIES schedule of events and Early-Bird registration DATES
Register by Dec. 31, 2011, to Save on Manitou, MinneMan and TwinCities Triathlons
EDEN PRAIRIE, MINN.
Gift Cards, Sunblock & The Beef Slough Boys...
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Wednesday, 07 December 2011 02:00
MTN made Team Minnesota posters and gave them to those who made this year's team. They were tastefully non-ostentacious, which is another way of saying that they weren't expensive.
Okay. They were cheap.
If we could have afforded it, though, we would have given every member of the Team a lavish gift; something they would treasure for many weeks.
Like what, you ask?
Here's what we wish we could have done for the guys:
Deep Fried Birds & Calculators....
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Tuesday, 06 December 2011 02:20
Going Off Course - Cirriform exhaust clouds spewed from the tailpipe of the parked 1977 Audi 80 and the interior windows were fogged with impatient human respiration.
"What's that alluring scent you're wearing," the panting horndog gasped into Cheryl Bauer's 17-year-old ear.
"Original Recipe and Extra Crispy," the totally hot, fragrant teen replied breathlessly.
It wasn't just a scent, though. It was bigger than that. An aroma perhaps? Nah. Bigger. It was a full-blown, room-filling odor.
The hormonal youth, whose name was either Chip or Skipper (he was from Wayzata), could no longer control himself. He commenced to licking Cheryl's face hungrily, like a golden retriever lapping water from a toilet. Firmly believing that face-licking is inappropriate on a first date, Cheryl pushed the boy away and admonished him with an indignant tsk.
Cheryl, who married a guy named Mr. Zitur in the 80s (a few years after she dumped Chip; or was is Skipper?), now has several teenagers of her own, none of whom have, like their mom, worked at KFC. Sure, they like to eat the Colonel's fare (who except Cheryl, doesn't?), but mom expressly forbade them to work...
