Race Coverage

First of Three Great Races....

Tuesday, 26 June 2012 02:30

Story & Photo By Mike Knaak (stcloudtimes.com)

Graniteman-St. Cloud Coverage - At first, there was uncertainty and skepticism surrounding the St. Cloud Graniteman Triathlon.

The race

Arrghs & Aye Mateys....

Monday, 25 June 2012 02:30

Race Coverage- Ann Clowser raced in last Saturday's buccaneer-themed Croixathlon looking all piratey in her an eye patch and Captain Hook hook hand, begging the question as to which of these disfigurements she endured first. Our guess is that she lost her hand first and then later absently tried to remove a contact lens with her new hook.

Just a theory.

Ann was a divisional winner last Saturday, as was her husband, whose empty right eye socket was concealed beneath a handsome patch. Kirk claims to be 55, but could pass for 35. It's disgusting.

Nobody gives pre-race meeting like Amy and Gretchen. They're respective monologues were laced with skallywaggy jargon and hyperbolic messages, like "any spectators who are in the transition area during the race will be stabbed." Gretchen was wielding a totally cool, albeit non-lethal, sword when she delivered this message in her signature deadpan. Like Amy, Gretch is a HOOT!....

Weekend Headlines & Linkages...

Sunday, 24 June 2012 14:50

CROIXATHLON VII - The vibe was all skallywaggy and buccaneery on Saturday at the Croixathlon. The race direction team (photo L) were dressed up like Long John Silver's scurvy aunt and many of the participants wore eye patches or bandanas or hooks or other fun piratey stuff. It was sooooo cool. Be there next year, okay? FYI, David Holden and Cheryl Barker won and Wally broke his bike and had to go home and get another one. A

Pregnant Women, Futbol Hooligans & Fatherhood...

Wednesday, 20 June 2012 02:30

(Photo - An Argentinian Futbol fanatic guy named Sergio and his offspring. He and countryman Martin, pronounced "Marteen," have done the RochesterFest Olympic the last two years clad in full soccer hooligan regalia.)

RochesterFest Coverage - It's true that some preggers women actually glow. These girls radiate happiness and contentment, which makes them beautiful to look at and be around, even though their bellybuttons poke out in a sorta disturbing way.

We know that this pregnantic glowage phenonmenon (PGP) is real because we witnessed it firsthand at RochesterFest last Sunday. The PGP girl in question is Kyla Blazek, who is due in two weeks and is as big as a Volkswagon. Her size and poked-out bellybutton and readiness to pop at any moment were not enough to keep her out of the race. Heck, she'd done Trinona Sprint the week before. FYI, we doubt that she'll race next week, but who knows, maybe she will....

Ross' Peeps....

Tuesday, 19 June 2012 02:30

(Photo - Petrified of vermin, Brianna saw a mouse just seconds before this photo was taken.)

Lake Minnetonka Coverage - Four-time LMT winner Brett Lovaas was first out of T2. He was followed shortly thereafter by superstar fifty-genarian Tony Schiller, also a past champion here. Then Sam Janicki, looking sleek after his recent full-body Brazilian and clad in an 80s vintage black Speedo.

And then came Brooks Grossinger.

"Which one of these guys is gonna win," a guy asked spectating Ross Weinzierl, who was wearing really cool cargo pants.

"Brooks. No doubt." Ross' words carried no hint of equivocation....