Race Previews

History & Imagery...

Thursday, 14 July 2011 03:00

HOLT XXVI Preview - Let's do some chase cutting, shall we? Without further ado, here is what we predict, or what the articulate Steve Paladie might call our "adumbrations." These are some of the cool things that we think will happen on Sunday at the 26th running of the Heart of the Lakes / Minnesota State Triathlon Championships:

PREDICTIONS:

- Joe will once again be in charge of music. His wonderfully eclectic playlist will feature socially conscious folkies like Tracy Grammer, an Aboriginal choir accompanied by didgeridoos, Mariache stuff, Northwest Central Idaho State Teacher's College's marching band's version of "Louie Louie," the 20-minute drum solo portion of "In A Gadda Da Vida" and lots of....

other weirdly cool stuff.

- Pam Stevens (photo R) will smile constantly. Her totally great guy husband Daryl won't say much, but that's okay.

- Leo and Deb are avid Hog riders. They'll be cruising the venue in four-wheelers doing important stuff.

* Zane's beard will look really good. We don't know his last name.

- Great ornithological artist Jim Ratacheck (phonetic spelling) is the guy who creates HOLT's totally cool bird art. Looking at the painting in this year's logo above, can you recognize the brand (taxonomy: genus, phylum, species, brand) of bird? Neither can we. But we think it is a Periwinkle Headed, Brownish Breasted Forky Tail.

- Steve Paladie will be very gregarious. His goal will be to talk to everyone and use cool pedantic words like "perspicacity" and "lugubrious."

- Hank Larsen's hair will be perfect, like a Werewolf from London.

- Race Director Jeff Holmberg will look like he's 40-year-old, but he's really in his late 50s. Damn him!

- Before and after the race, six-time men's winner, Brian Bich, will be openly affectionate with his sons. His wife Kirsten (not Kristin!) will be as pretty as she was last year.

- Swim start announcer Bill Ratacheck (phonetic spelling) will still be very thin and insanely lovable.

- After the race when all the participants are heading home, the race committee, Kevin O'Connor, John Snitko, Tony Schiller and a few others will engorge themselves with delicious smorgasbordy fare lovingly prepared by the Women of Annandale, proving conclusively that small town women cook better than city girls.

- Four-time Minnesota Junior of the Year, Beth Zirbes, who has lived in Alaska for the last several years and is now married to a cool Russian guy named Boris or Ivan and they live in a house that doesn't have an indoor toilet, will race on Sunday. She will also talk really, really fast (she's always been a fast talker!) and hug her many friends that she hasn't seen in a "coon's age." FYI, according to "The Straight Dope" (LINK), a "coon's age" refers to the average lifespan of a raccoon in the wild, which is thought to be about 5-7 years.

- We predict that Matt Priess and Jill Ellenbecker will win this year's short course race.