Race Previews

IMOO Stuff...

Wednesday, 05 September 2012 02:10

Ironman Wisconsin XI - Approximately 300 of our state's triathletes are enrolled in Sunday's Ironman Wisconsin. Perhaps ten times that many Minnesotans will also be on hand to spectate or volunteer. There will definitely be a special Loon State vibe in Cheesehead Land on Sunday.

That is so cool. Goosebumpley cool. Time to breathe into a paper bag, diaper-up and make some outrageous predictions.

Typically, we do a lot of name-dropping, but for this preve we are leaving most of the names out. Why? 'Cuz two participants asked us to do so, saying that it would freak them out if we said nice things about them, or predicted that they would turn in fast times....

We don't want to freak anyone out. And we don't want to be blamed for causing anyone to blow up. That said, let us remind folks that the only purpose of the predictions is to stimulate conversation. We're not asking to be agreed with. (Sorry about putting a preposition at the end of the last sentence.) In fact, most of the time we hope we're wrong about stuff. We don't want our tri-world to be that predictable.

So, we won't mention names. Well, maybe a few.

Okay. Here's some PREDICTIONS that we are totally unmarried to. Oops! Another dangling preposition. Sorry.

- A Minnesota girl between the age of 15 and 60 with either long or short dark or light colored hair will race so dang well that she'll receive a Performance of the Year nomination.

- A recently single-ized Minnesota guy who is very handsome and does not like to be called Tony, will rock a Top 10-20 overall amateur performance. His hair will be dark and curly.

- Three Minnesota women will crack the Top 5 in the 45-49 AG.

- The weather will be very cooperative, except for a dearth of fluffy white clouds. Though it won't be too hot (or windy), caps and sunscreen are recommended for participants and spectators alike. This is because everyone will be outside for a long time. (Okay, we did consult the Weather Channel.)

- After much soul-searching, a guy whose name rhymes with "Double U Skarvey Hees" will decide NOT to race because he's injured, not because he's chicken.

- Heidi Keller-Miler will take at least a month off after the race. No working out. Just craft beer, boutique pizza and daily designer ice cream. (Okay, this is not really a prediction. HKM, whom we adore, told us she was gonna do this stuff.)

- Most of Minnesota's Iron Virgins will have successful, inspiring performances.

That's it for now. Time to change our Depends.