Race Previews

Gruesome Pictures in the Attic...

Thursday, 02 August 2012 04:20

THIS JUST IN! - MTN has just learned that David Thompson won the Giant Eagle 5150 Triathlon in Columbus, Ohio on Sunday, beating runner-up Kaleb VanOrt by 1:04 over the Olympicesque distances.

(Image - A made-up character named Dorian Gray from a movie and a classic novel by a famous Irish guy.)

Race Preview - One of the plethora of great things about the Brewhouse Triathlon, which will launch into it's 2nd quarter-century of racing next Sunday, is that Rod Raymond will be there.

But then again, he has to be, seeing that he is the founder/co-race-director/Head Cheese, and all....

Rod, you see, is a HOOT! A joyous man, which totally flies in the face of his somber Norwegian heritage, "The Rocket," as he has been known since his collegiate hockey days, radiates FUN. And this fun thing is as virulently infectious as that fictitious disease in the the movie "Contagion," wherein Kate Winslett, who is sometimes hot and sometimes, well, not so much, but always a great actress, plays a dedicated Diseasicologist who (DON'T READ THIS PART IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE, WHICH IS STILL IN RED BOX!) gets really, really sick and dies.

In other words, Rod Raymond totally brings the fun.

Norwegian superstar playwright, Henrik Ibsen, who had amazing large muttonchop 'burns, has never met a guy like Rod.

So there you have it. Brewhouse is a great race for many reasons but mostly because it is a fun experience. And as such it should come as no surprise that it is the largest of what can be called Minnesota's "Northland Multis." By "Northland," we are referring to any tri or du staged on the Canada side of Lindstrom. This year's BH should pull in close to 800 athletes. Cool, huh!

Back to Rod. He's 48, looks 30 and has the sculpted body of an Olympic gymnast. He works out a lot (Photo R). His hair is long, floppy and Norwegianishly blond. He's so physically attractive that it makes us want to puke with jealousy. There's something so unreal about him that we suspect that he has a hideous self-portrait in his attic at home. (We haven't read Ibsen, but we have read Oscar Wilde's "The Picture of Dorian Gray," and seen 2-3 of the cinematic renditions. We don't recommend the one starring Hurd Hatfield. Sure, he had a cool name, but Hurdy was an awful actor. Just our opinion.)

All-righty-then. Let's do some PREDICTIONS:

- Matt Evans, a super-great-good guy (photo below), will design and measure the swim courses. They'll be sorta close to the advertised distances.

- Duane Millslagle will, once again, win the 60-64M AG and may even lower his own long course divisional record (2:02:15). Some people will call him "Spike," 'cuz that's his nickname.

- W. Harvey Skees wants to win the short course race so badly that he'll need to pee like 15 times before the race. He'll be wearing his signature Speedo, which he calls his "Banana hammock."

- The races will have new and improved bike courses, because it says so on the event website.

- 45-49W long course record holder, Christel Kippenhan will still have a touch of the cold that she got from her father, who is visiting from Germany. Christel's mom will watch the race, but don't try to talk to her unless you sprechen sie Deutsch. We said "hello" to her at Walker last weekend and she just shrugged her shoulders, which is German