Race Coverage

Butt Dimples & Whole Foods Shoppers...

Friday, 09 January 2015 00:10

LIFE TIME EAGAN INDOOR TRIATHLON - Via email, we asked Ross Weinzierl to write a race report after last Sunday's Life Time Eagan Indoor Tri. He never replied, but we're not mad at him. He's one of those guys that you can't stay mad at. Besides, he probably didn't respond because he was embarrassed, being totally smoked by Nicole Heininger, and all.

Well Heiney didn't actually "smoke" the furry, beer-loving Weinzierl. Overall, she only beat him by three points. Their swims were identical and RW only managed to outride her by a tenth of a mile over 30 minutes, then Heiney  crushed him in the run, covering 2.87 miles to his 2.7. In the end, in a field of 57 participants, Nicole placed 4th overall and Rossy rounded out the....

Top 5. Who won? Twas a tie between Christian Oestriech and Patrick Parish. Both had a race-record 166 points. PP outdistanced the field in the swim, followed that with a ride that was "conversation pace," then popped 3.66 5:30 miles. Oestreich, pronounced "Ace-Strike," turned in solids splits across the board.

Ross and Patrick wore monogrammed Speedos which shows off their "Post-Cleftal Venusian Dimpleosity," also known as "butt dimples" (photo above). Cute. Christan's wife had another baby. Like the first one, it is totally cute. RESULTS

UPDATE: Ross W just sent us an AWESOME race report, which will post on Monday. It's a HOOT! Don't miss it.

LIFE TIME COON RAPIDS INDOOR TRI - Sunday's event had 31 finishers and was won by a 50-year-old guy named Jeff Weiler. He has done Grandma's, has two beautiful daughters and we suspect that he owns at least one Aerosmith album. Vinyl, of course....

The women's winner was Jen Schomaker, a LTF employee who has a black dog and a super-cute daughter. She's a veteran marathoner and sometimes shops at the Whole Foods in Maple Grove. RESULTS

LIFE TIME EDEN PRAIRIE INDOOR TRI - We weren't surprised to learn that 55-year-old tri-stud Jeff Gilmer came out on top in this one. Do you know Jeff? He's a great guy, married to Mary Deeg, who is a HOOT!, and has very, very blond hair.

The women's winner was Kerry Hudgens, who also has very, very blond hair. The event had 33 finishers. RESULTS