Race Coverage

Nate Almost Got "Spoused"....UPDATED...

Monday, 09 July 2012 02:30

Race Coverage - The 29th edition of the Elysian Triathlon was contested beneath a sullen sky, one which, like a pouting child, alternated between periods of silent seething and tantrumical outbursts.

Okay. That was a rather overwritten way of saying that sometimes it rained; sometimes it didn't.

And no, "tantrumical" is not a real word. "Tantrum" does not have an official adjectival form.

Not only was there off-and-on showers in Elysian last Saturday, it was windy and disturbingly chilly. The temp in that bucolic community reached 99 on Friday. It never got above 65 dank degrees during the race. The climatological discrepancy felt a little creepy, sort of apocalyptic-ish....

This didn't bother the statuesque triathlete in the wonderfully skimpy, blue, floral-pattern bikini, though. She totally rocked a Top 10 overall effort. We don't know her name because, as this is written (Sunday morning), results have not been posted.

We do know some of the 150-200ish participants, though. The Top 2 finishers were a married couple from Colorado. He, a graduate of Minnesota State-Mankato and a head-shaver, though that doesn't detract from his natural manly good-looks, is tri-coach/ current or former pro, Nate Korteum. She, a 2008 Olympian and 2012 Olympic alternate, is named Sarah Haskins. (See photo above.)

Perchance you have heard of her. If you haven't, suffice it to say that she has been America's premier sprint and Olympic distance female triathlete since the retirement of Barb Lindquist in 2005. Simply put, she's a Superstar.

Nate did cross the finish line first in a time that crushed Tony Schiller's long-standing course record. He was almost "spoused," which is what you call it when a dude is totally "chicked" by his own wife, a phenomenon that typically leads to marital dissolution, though not in this case. He, you see, is a large part of the reason she is so danged fast, what with being her coach and all, and making sure that she eats healthy stuff like granola and twigs in the morning instead of Count Chocula, which is her favorite cereal. Nate agreed with Sarah's claim that had the bike leg been 12 miles, not eight, she would have totally spoused him.

Yes, Sarah, who will be gunning for an unprecedented fourth consecutive Life Time-Minneapolis victory next Saturday, took a gluttonous bite out of Cathy Lee's CR on Saturday. In the 8-minute range, actually. In fact, her time (48-and-change) was faster that Schiller's old mark (49:04).

Other people we know who did real good were The Morgans, Tom and April, who may have each placed 3rd within their respective genders. (April may have actually finished 2nd. We're not sure.) Great people, the Morgans have excelled here before. According to Tom's Facebook page, a a guy thought it was really funny when he --Tom--took one in the seeds by a koosh ball.

We thought you'd want to know.

Cheryl Johnson also did really well. Fourth, we think. She's having a successful season. Her stud-triathlete husband Brad, who wasn't racing, pointed out that Cheryl lists slightly to the right when she runs, though you can't tell from the photo (L), which was taken at Albert Lea last May. She really does, though.

We wish we could tell you more specific stuff. We will post results here and on the Calendar / Results page as soon as they are available.

UPDATE: Results are now available - LINK.