Race Coverage

Where Cool Dudes and Dudettes Hang Out...

Monday, 16 April 2012 03:00

(Photo - Insanely attractive tri couple, Brian Zeuli and Bria Kirkpatrick.)

OHP Indoor Tri #3 Coverage - Jeff Hunsaker is a tri newby who is a totally nice guy with a great sense of humor and wears designer eyeglasses. Last Saturday evening he quaffed several pints of Stone IPA and ate more than half of an extra large BBQ chicken pizza. On Sunday morning the groggy and cotton-mouthed Hunsaker drove to OptumHealth Performance's training center in Eden Prairie, where he participated in his first indoor triathlon, a feat he finished, though not without a preponderance of backstroking. After the event he drove home and, too ravenous to wait for his oven to heat up, nuked the remainder of yesterday's pizza, which he consumed while listening to "Infinite" by Eminem.

Jeff plans to make his outdoor swim-bike-run debut at the inaugural Blaine Triathlon on May 19....

Bria Kirkpatrick is a statuesque Nordic beauty who lives at Brian Zeuli's house in Hudson, Wisconsin. She hopes her current status as "roommate-who-does-all-the-cooking-because-she's-totally-good-at-it" will be upgraded to full-blown "Spousal Unit" in the relatively near future. Bria has seen "Foster the People" in concert and thinks that they are awesome. She also loves sophomoric movies, like "Anchorman," which was a total hoot!, and the equally hootish, "Napolean Dynamite."

After the tri, in which she performed admirably, she made breakfast tostadas for Brian, who, unsurprisingly, was the fastest Open Division triathlete in Sunday's field, and his handsome future-triathlete son, Daniel, who ate at least three bagels while his dad and Bria raced. Daniel, who is like 10 or 11, will make his tri debut at Croixathlon in June.

Sunday's OHP Tri featured an unofficial "Male Pattern Baldness" division, the podium for which was filled out by cool guys, Chris Hawes (G), who saw "Moneyball" recently and really liked it, the muscular Chad Christianson (S - photo R), and Barry Knight (B), who has an alarming amount of chestal hair. Isn't it amazing that guys with bald heads usually have inordinately hairy bodies? We tease Barry 'cuz we like so much.

Christianson's girlfriend rocked, too. Totally! Her name is Jennifer Mortale, who, believe it or not, looks really good in goggles. Jennifer is very pretty and wouldn't miss the Chase the Police Triathlon, partly because she has a lakeside cabin in the Walker area. She was the fastest of the non-MJet women on Sunday. She also was the fastest woman at the Life Time-Eden Prairie Indoor Tri on March 25.

Also participating laudably on Sunday was Ian Kern, who saw the "Rolling Stones" in Winnipeg in 1966. His retirement party was the night before the tri and he admittedly drank "lots of wine." Ian's designer running shoes were totally cool. They were bright yellow Asics that had triathlon destinations printed on them.

Christine Fjelstad, who is a regular customer at the "Golden Tan" locations in Burnsville and Shakopee, has done all three of the the OHP Indoor Tris and has demonstrated significant improvement from race to race. She's getting great coaching from decorated and totally hot multisporter, Suzie Fox, and she (Christine) has made a sizable financial investment in her tri wardrobe, coaching and equipment. Unlike Ian, she's never seen the "Rolling Stones" in concert, but like Ian, she does enjoy their music a lot.

OHP INDOOR TRI #3 RESULTS (500 yd -