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But What Kind of Bike Does He Ride?

Sunday, 24 April 2011 03:00

By Bonnie Chromosome

"Hi Mom! I went on a date last night!" my daughter gleefully informed me on the phone.

I hung up on her.

Some people think of pronation as foot or wrist rotation. Not true. Pronation is a Greek funk word which actually refers to a hereditary issue that determines what you may be apt to do, i.e. 'prone to'. In our fine line of super genetics we are prone to disaster. Thanks, mom and dad. I will kindly pass that along to your grandchildren.

I grabbed my coffee and called my daughter back. "Tell me what happened...." I said, easing into my This-is-going-to-be-a-long-winded-story position in my chair. After she got...

done with the unimportant facts of integrity and occupation, I asked her the deeper, tougher questions such as: 1) Is he a triathlete? 2) What kind of bike does he ride? 3) What is his PR? She made a sound of utter disgust over the phone. So disrespectful.

I acknowledged her rebellion with a slight nod and sigh, and then proceeded to tell her the facts of life. "Listen, this is how I met your step dad and this is why we will always be together: Bikes."

"Bikes." she copied me, sounding like she just received a collect call from a jail.

"Yes, sweetheart. You see, neither I nor your step dad will ever divorce each other because we simply could not decide on how to split up the bikes."

"Mom, you're sick. You have like 14 bikes between you both!"

"Honey, don't cross me. We only have 12."

My first marriage was an utter failure. It followed in the pronation line of things. My ex was a super nice guy- kind, driven, handsome. But he lacked one thing. He didn't have a bike. He still doesn't have a bike and thus he meanders through life aimlessly, no real direction or sense of self. Poor guy. I would send him a bike but it would have to be one of my current husband's bikes because there is no way I am giving up one of mine.

Supination means a super nation or more directly, things are super. This is the state of balance in my marriage and this is what I hope for my children. It's not easy to obtain. It takes time at the bike shops, dedication to making payments and brand loyalty. I hope my daughter figures all of this out soon instead of wasting her time running with boys who have no life and no future.

I let her finish telling me her story about what a great time they had not doing a triathlon nor training together. I think she said something about a movie or maybe a walk through the park. I don't know. I was simultaneously looking at a spring bike sale ad while she went on and on. Finally she was ready to hang up. I encouraged her to stay single for a few more decades and then slipped in a subtle hint about naming any future generations cool names such as Trek, Orbea or Ceepo. She didn't seem to be on board with those but she'll come around.

(Photo Above L - Bonnie and Megan. Bonnie is the one on the left.)