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Lexus Bows, Wax Kittens & Fiddles...

Tuesday, 18 December 2018 23:10

Last week we revealed the Christmas gifts we would have given to Team Minnesota's Gaby Bunten, Hannah Grinaker, Elaine Nelson, Matt Payne and Cheryl Zitur if we could afford to do so.

What are we not going to give to Wade Cruser and Sean Cooley, you might wonder? What about Becky Youngberg and Christina Roberts?

Here are the answers to those questions:

WADE CRUSER (2018 Triathlete of the Year, #1 - 2018 Team MInnesota) - We'd love to give Wade a new car. A Subaru Outback was out first choice, but we decided to go with an Luxus SUV because it came with a big red bow. We love that bow....

SEAN COOLEY (2017 Triathlete of the Year, #2 -  2018 Team MInnesota) - Sean already has lots of great stuff, and what do you give to a guy who already has almost everything? We decided to pretend to give him a "Wax Kitten" gift card that he can use for a Brazilian and a bleach.

We're almost positive he doesn't already have those things.

BECKY YOUNGBERG (2018 Master of the Year, #3 - 2018 Team Minnesota) - Becky likes to fish. We know this because we found a photo of her angling on her Facebook page. She was smiling. So, we want to give her the latest in fishing technology: A "Deeper Smart Sonar PRO+," which is a wireless Wi-Fi fish finder that looks like a bloated racquetball. It is on sale on Amazon for $199.72, but if someone decides to actually give this thing to Becky we suggest that they buy it in a real brick-and-mortar store, preferrably one that isn't in a mall on the outskirts of town.

CHRISTINA ROBERTS (#4 2018 Team Minnesota) - CR is into country music, so we'd like to pretend to get her a fiddle. A real good one, like a DZ-Strad Model 609. She can either display it on a wall in her house, or learn to play it. Since we are already pretending to fork out a few grand for her fiddle, we might as well pretend to include lessons. Her instrudtor should be either Allison Krause or Marty McGuire of the Dixie Chicks.