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Jets, Swivel Chairs and "The Garagia Sophia"......

Thursday, 13 December 2018 23:10

Yesterday we revealed the Christmas gifts we would give to GABY BUNTEN and HANNA GRINAKER, our state's two most successfull female triathletes last year, if we  could afford to do so.

It's the thought that counts, right? (FYI - We wanted to give Gaby a new house and a crock-pot, and Hanna a farm with horses and a monogrammed pair of shoes.)

Here are some more gifts that we won't be giving to various prominent triathletes:

ELAINE NELSON (2018 Team Minnesota) - We adore Elaine and were heartbroken when her garage burned down just before the tri season got underway. Her family lost several vehicles and other valuable stuff. So, we want Elaine to have the fanciest, fire-proofiest garage ever. Coach Kris calls his awesome Man Cavey garage "The Garage-Mahal." We suggest that the Nelson's new garage be even fancier than that, and they should call it the "Garagia Sophia." All the stuff that was lost--cars, bikes, skis, Craftsman Tool kits, lawn mowers, recycling bins, leaf blowers, cases of WD-40 and rolls of duct tape etc.--would be replaced with upgraded versions of those things....

CHERYL ZITUR (3x Master of the Year; 2018 Team Minnesota) - According to her Facebook page, Cheryl likes to watch "The Voice." (Who doesn't?) If we could, we would convince the producers of the show to add a fifth swivel chair that Cheryl could use. She could comment on the singers and their performances, but wouldn't have to be an actual coach, unless she wanted to. She would be seated between Blake Shelton and Kelly Clarkson.

MATTHEW PAYNE (14 x MMH honoree; 2018 Team Minnesota) - Last year we gave Matt an airplane. It was a small one. This time we'd like to give him a bigger, fancier one, the Bombardier Global 7000, to be exact. It has a multimedia theatre, master bedroom and a walk-in shower. It also has an 8500-mile range and only costs $73M.