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They Met in Jail....

Monday, 11 February 2013 00:10

Tad and Danika fall in love. Tad hires "The Lincoln Lawyer," played of course by Matthew McConaughey, who cleverly gets Danika off by casting "reasonable doubt" on whether she really killed the Burnsville guy on purpose, and whether she actually enjoyed watching the guy die. As for the meth thing, The Lincoln Lawyer produced a shoe box full of dead insects from Danika's basement, claiming that the defendant was actually making homemade insecticide that just happened to contain most of the ingredients of methamphetamine. He also claimed that she wasn't actually stoned out of her mind when she was arrested. Instead, Dr. Quackman, an "Expert Witness" played by Christopher Walken, testified that Danika had a "thyroid problem."

Tad and Danika celebrated the acquittal by flying to Vegas, getting really drunk, getting married by an Elvis Impersonator Justice of the Peace and spending the rest of the weekend with Mike Tyson and his pet tiger.

Now for the cool plot twist.

Five years later Tad is a successful prosecutor. At night he has nightmares in which he is the prosecutor in Danika's case. He knows that she's guilty-as-sin, and can prove it. BUT, if he wins the case, he will lose the love of his life. If he "throws" the case he could lose his job, or worse, be indicted for whatever the crime is called when a lawyer is caught throwing a case. And if he loses the case and starts dating Danika, that won't look too good. He'll have to get another job, probably in the fast food industry. He'll lose his BMW M3.

In the end, the now eyebrowless Tad goes crazy. The moral dilemma of whether to re-open the case against Danika, who still hasn't been able to kick her drug habit, but has successfully managed her homicidal urges, or whether to do nothing haunts him until he is finally institutionalized. Danika is disfigured in a meth-cooking explosion. The End.

Where would a screenwriter come up with such a story? As we noted above, this is VERY LOOSELY based on the life of Albertville lawyer / triathlete / eyebrow-plucker Chad May and his wife Erica (photo L). They did meet in jail, though we don't think that Erica was actually an inmate. The fledgling screenwriter made that up.

Chad and Erica are cool and attractive and law-abiding people. They are also great sports for allowing us to mess with them here. Check out Chad's bio below. And check out the cool photo of the walleye he caught that was so dang big, it took four guys to lift it up.

BACKGROUND:

Name? Chad T. May

Age? 37

Where you live now? Albertville, MN

Where were you born? Golden Valley, MN

Education? Where? Degrees? University St. Thomas, William Mitchell College of Law

Occupation? Assistant Stearns County Attorney, Adult Criminal Prosecution

Dream Job if you could do anything you want? NHL player agent