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Ke$ha, Steven Tyler & Kohlrabi...

Friday, 21 December 2012 01:10

CHRISTMAS STUFF - A 2012 MMA recipient, who shall remain nameless, sent us this comment yesterday: "Hey, if you can recommend gifts for the Team Minnesota athletes, why the hell can't you do the same for the award winners?"

We can do that!

ROOKIE OF THE YEAR - Heather Lendway - Heath (pronounced "Heth") loves water polo, so we suggest that someone buy her one of those cool caps that have what look like cut-in-half whiffle balls on the sides....

JUNIOR OF THE YEAR - Greta Danielson -Greta loves Ke$ha, a rad pop star who can lip-sinc almost as good as Nicki Menage. Assuming that Ke$ha will be performing in either Fargo (where Greta goes to school), or St. Cloud (where Greta is from) or the Twin Cities in the next 1-2 years, we'd like to get Greta concert tickets.

JUNIOR OF THE YEAR - Tyler Hecht - Tyler is a student at St. Cloud State, and like all college kids, he needs to eat pizza at least four times a week. We therefore recommend that someone get him a House of Pizza gift card. FYI, the pizza at HOP is mouthgasmic.

GRAND MASTER OF THE YEAR - Ben Ewers - What do you get a guy who lives in North Oaks and winters (verb form) in Arizona? We don't know, either. We'll probably just get him a card.

MASTER OF THE YEAR - Heidi Keller-Miler - HKM loves to eat at Panera, so we'd like to buy her soup in a bread bowl. Tomato basil, probably. Or maybe clam chowder.

MASTER OF THE YEAR - Greg Taylor - Greg is 58, so he probably likes classic rock. We'd like to get him the 121212 Concert video. Did you see that concert on TV? It was awesome, though some of the musicians haven't aged that well and Roger Daltry wears an unbuttoned shirt and he has this rather unsightly surgery scar.....

DUATHLETE OF THE YEAR - Patrick Parish - PP likes Aerosmith. Who doesn't? We want to get him Steven Tyler's autobiography, "Does the Noise in My Head Bother You?" Have you read it? We have. It's terrific.

DUATHLETE OF THE YEAR - Ruth Brennan Morrey - Ruther once told us that she used to watch "House MD." The star of that show was a brilliant British actor named Hugh Laurie. Because Ruth is in England right now, we'd like to arrange for her to hang out at Hugh's house for a few hours.

MOST IMPROVED - Marcus Stromberg - According to his FB page, Marcus "Likes" JELD-WEN Windows & Doors. We'd like to replace all the windows and doors in his house.

MOST IMPROVED - Suzie Fox - Suz claims to be "addicted to veggies." We'd like to get her a gump of Kohlrabi.

PERFORMANCE OF THE YEAR - Michelle Andres - A year's supply of Kona coffee and pineapple.

TRIATHLETE OF THE YEAR & LONG DISTANCE OF THE YEAR - Ruth Brennan Morrey - We already pretended to get her something. No double dipping.

TRIATHLETE OF THE YEAR & PERFORMANCE OF THE YEAR - Dan Hedgecock - Last Christmas we pretended to give Devon Palmer a cool Mustache & Beard Grooming Kit. We learned recently that Devon had pretended to re-gift that kit to Dan. We therefore do not feel obligated to pretend to get him (Dan) something this year.