FEATURES
Cool Random Stuff...
-
Friday, 17 February 2012 02:00
* Weekend Recommendations - Check out the 2nd annual Half Fast Half Marathon (plus half of a half & 5K) on Saturday in Vadnais Heights on Saturday. INFO & REG. Produced by Tri Fitness, the zany folks who bring you the Cinco Du Mayo Duathlon, My First Tri and One Last Tri, you gotta love a race with a semi-naughty name.
On Sunday, the 2nd of four Optumhealth Performance Indoor Tris will be staged at their facility in Eden Prairie. INFO & REG. We wholeheartedly recommend this event, which will be covered by MTN....
* Perspicacious triathlete Steve Paladie sent us this funny stuff. - A paraprosdokian (from Greek meaning "beyond expectation") is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or reinterpret the first part.
Some examples -
* Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
* Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
* The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
* Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
* If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
* We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
* War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
* Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
* The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
* Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
* To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
* A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
* How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
* Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
* Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
* I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
* A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
* Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".
* I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
* Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
* Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?
* Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
* A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
* You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
* The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
* Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
* A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
* Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
* Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
* I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
* Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
* I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
* I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
* When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
* You're never too old to learn something stupid.
* To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
* Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
* Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
