FEATURES

Newberry Knives and Sophomoric Movies...

Tuesday, 07 February 2012 04:00

Going Off Course - Minneapolis-based veterinarian / medical affairs person / decorated triathlete Gillian Auslander is kinda enigmatic.

How so, you inquire? knife

How else would you describe a person who can dispassionately perform a Dual Radical Testiclectomy on a bull while eating a meatball marinara sub in the afternoon, then cry at the end of "Marley & Me" later that evening? Those things--de-stoning and animal movie crying--are generally mutually exclusive.

Gillian, pronounced "Gill-ee-un," not "Jill-ee-un," did that once, we think? And that's not the only example of conclusive enigmaticism that defines her. As many of you already know, Ms. Auslander appears very sweet and mild-mannered and you have to get really close to her mouth if you want to hear her speak. She's not a loud-talker. Yet, "Shook Me All Night Long" by scream rockers AC/DC is her favoritest song ever. In fact, she loves hi-decibel screechy singers, like Angus Young and Steven Tyler, who if you read his autobiography you'd know that he did more drugs than Jim Morrison, Amy Winehouse and Keith Richards put together....

Still not convinced about Ms. Auslander's enigmaticosity? Well, then how else would you explain why a person who is crazy-smart and knows everything about the morphology of multicellular eukaryotic organisms can also prefer totally sophomoric movies (which we love, too!), like "Water Boy" and "Talledega Nights," especially the dinner table grace-saying scene? Explain that! baby jesus

Gillian Auslander is a wonderful person who is very pretty and nice and is 40-years-old but looks like she's 25. Really! She loves her alma mater Auburn University with every fiber of her eukaryotic being, which means that she wholeheartedly believes that Charles Barkley and Cam Newton walk on water. She has two cats, hates littering, occasionally wears boxers and was almost beaten up once.

Here's some more stuff about the remarkable Gillian Auslander:

PERSONAL STUFF:

Hometown? Louisville, KY but it's pronounced Lu-a-vul!

Education? D.V.M. from Auburn University and B.S from University of Kentucky

Occupation? Veterinarian by training: Medical Affairs-Neuroscience at Novartis Pharmaceuticals

Married? Yes, for almost 12 years to Phillip Faulkner

Family Members? Hubby and two cats angus