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Chicked? Get Over It!

Thursday, 02 February 2012 02:00

By Chuckie V (chuckiev.blogspot.com)

Guys: I'm not sure if you've received the memo concerning "getting chicked," but if the phrase "you got chicked!" (or any variant thereof) is something you've uttered or even thought about before, well, perhaps it is high-time you have...

1. Don't be so small-minded and chauvinistic; women are athletes too.

2. Swim enough and you'll be fully accustomed to being chicked.

3. Run against Chrissie or Caitlin or Mirinda or Melissa and trust me, you'll get chicked.

4. Play tennis against the Williams sisters and you'll be chicked, times two.

5. Ski against Lindsey Vonn and you'll end up chicked, if not in the emergency room....

6. Dance against Ellen DeGeneres and you'll be chicked.

7. Pit yourself against Lynn Hill and climb a big rock, and your world will be rocked.

8. Drum beside Sheila E and you'll be chicked (not to mention booed off the stage).

9. Play a game of chess against Grandmaster Susan Polgar and you'll be chick-mated.

10. Race your piece of shit car against Danica Patrick and your car (as well as your ego) will burst into flames.

11. Break 2:15:25 in the marathon or Paula Radcliffe will have chicked your PR.

12. Go under 8:18 in an Ironman or Chrissie Wellington will have chicked you.

13. Host a talk show and become a billionaire or Oprah Winfrey will have chicked you.

14. Get married (or not) and you'll frequently be chicked.

15. Do anything against Jackie Joyner-Kersee and you'll be chicked. This, even in her "retirement."

16. Try earning a '10' against Nadia Comaneci in her heyday and you'd score useless.

17. Gina Carano would not only chick you; she'd likely kill you.

18. Try to ingest more food than Sonya Thomas and you'll be chicked (and sick).

19. Meet Jeannie Longo for a bike ride and get used to riding alone.

20. Try to outlive Julia Butterfly Hill in a tree-home and you'll be chicked. (It's doubtful your convictions are as strong, as ego doesn't allow for that.)

21. Diana Nyad is more of a man than you or I will ever be, and I mean that in the nicest of ways.

22. Only one thing is more fragile than the weakest of women: the male ego.

I'll leave it at that for now. Keep in mind however that this is but a drop in the bucket of women who can chick you. Merely reciting all these incredible women's names only sanitizes their greatness. Indeed, it proves ourselves unworthy as men, if not pathetic representation of human beings. Guys: we best get over ourselves.

Chuckie V is one of the coolest guys we've ever known, and we've known him since the late 80s. A former Ironman Canada champ and death metal rocker who is now an esteemed coach and blogger, Chuckie writes good stuff. When he's not dropping his mud on a mountaintop, that is.