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The Dishwasher Nazi...

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 02:00

WARNING: This post may contain slight exaggerations.

(Photo L - Jim Felling with his arm around a guy with a hat and a beer.)

Going Off Course - Handsome, cool dude, River Falls Triathlete / Livestock management guy, Jim Felling, has had more girlfriends than Wilt Chamberlain. The fact that he has never been married, however, is not because he prefers to be a single, swinging playboy bachelor guy; or that he has serious commitment issues.

In truth, he yearns--that's right! He actually yearns!--for a soul mate, one with whom he can settle down, raise a passel of little Fellings, and achieve a transcendent state of domestic Nirvana-ish bliss.

But Jim has yet to find that perfect girl, one who is totally hot AND knows how to properly load a dishwasher. And while Jim has dated a plethora of hotties, none of them possessed adequate dishwasher loading skills and, therefore, had to be dumped. For Jim Felling, aka "The Dishwasher Nazi," not scraping egg yolk off a breakfast....

plate or wiping peanut butter off a knife before placing them in the DW, and stuff like that, are Social Deal-Breakers.

Ladies, Jim is a great catch in spite of his unreasonable, anal-retentive dishwasher thing. All you need to do to avoid his wrath and subsequently dumpage is to go to WikiHow.com/Load-a-dishwasher and study the recommended 22 steps that will insure sparkling clean/chunk-free dishes, as well as nifty time and energy savings. You'll learn about "effective scraping," "when to pre-rinse," "recognizing your dishwasher's peculiar tendencies," "tips for Tupperware," "pot placement," "proper loading of the cutlery basket," vital stuff like that.

Learning how to properly load a dishwasher should take about six months for fast-learners, those who are willing to invest 30-40 hours a week in their training. Slower learners may require a year, and those who never learn that pots are to be loaded open-side-down should give up now.

When you read Jim Felling's mini bio below you'll learn lots of good stuff about him, like that he doesn't wear underwear, has at least one sweet tooth and loves it when the Twins beat the Yankees. (When was the last time that happened?) He is also a very good sport who recently purchased a Surly Moonlander and likes it a lot.

Personal stuff:

Hometown? Albany MN

Resides? River Falls, WI

Education? BS in Animal Science/Pre-Vet, Masters of Management

Occupation? Pine Island Division Manager of Midwest Livestock Systems, Inc.

Married? Family members? Single

Worst job? I think roofing in the winter in the snow might be one of the worst jobs I ever did!

Pets? none at the moment, I love most animals except DEER!

Pet peeves? Dirty dishes on the counter and not knowing how to load a dishwasher properly! ...I've been call a dishwasher nazi before!

Things you hate? Hate is a strong word but I don't have tolerance for lazy or stupid people that can't do their job!

Have you ever been beaten up? No. I kinda laugh at people that want to fight. I did want to fight a guy once that tried to run me off the road, he ran away when I threw down my bike and headed directly for him in my spandex he so loved!

Nerd? Geek? Stud or studdette? Neither?!

Favorites:

TV Shows? No time to watch any plus digital TV sucks with my bunny ear antenna!

Movies? Old School comes to mind. Love anything funny and don't mind the sappy ones either! REFUSE to watch scary movies, I want to be able to run on the trails at night in the dark when I get home from work!

Actors? Don't care

Books? Wally knows Wally: the autobiography of Walter Walter Milbrath! ...It's about how he could excel at multiple sports. Like Trail Runner and drooling over some of the pics!

Writers? Mitch Albom. See TV, don't have time to read much either!

Singers/bands? Local, acoustic, unknown's in small venues

Song? Might have to go with Black Eyed Peas and "I gotta feeling". It always get me motivated and and brings me back to one of the first times I heard it was mile 16 of the run at IM AZ. It kept me going for another 1/2mile or so!

Restaurants? I love all food but prefer cooking myself over eating out. I can hold my own in the kitchen. generally a soft spot for Italian...

Beer? YUMMY!! Cold and free is always the best!

Booze? try to stay away, gets dangerous!

Ice Cream Flavor? anything with peanut butter and chocolate!

Junk food? Anything with Sugar! kinda have a sweet tooth...

Meal? Fettuccine Alfredo homemade, not the crappy cream stuff in the jar! Good nachos with lots of cheese, sour cream and guac

Sports Teams? ehh, they get paid too much but love it when the Twins beat the Yankees!

Favorite Car? one that doesn't take gas!

Also:

Boxers of tighty whities? don't wear any, generally in spandex! =) ...ok boxers at work...

Heroes? My parents

Dream vacation destination? Anywhere warm in the winter! I love to travel all over the world, New Zealand is probably my favorite, it's like Gods playground! South America and Australia are next on my wish list!

Hobbies? Helping Dad on the farm, mostly love getting out with friends for a nice ride or run!

Feel free to add anything about yourself or your life that is cool.

I just purchased a Surly Moonlander that I'm super excited to ride this winter. The only thing I like about snow is snowshoe racing! I love to be out on the trails running or mountain biking. Exploring new trails is the best! Hard to make myself sit on a trainer, and you could shoot me before I'd get on a treadmill! Just signed up for IM Flordia so that should keep me motivated for another year!