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Not Ready to Sing Soprano...

Wednesday, 21 December 2011 02:00

Going Off Course - Like most heterosexual males, Sean Cooley likes girls. In fact, the handsome Grand Forks triathlete who looks a little like somebody famous, really, really, really likes girls, and is able to sustain multiple crushes at the same time.

He can't help it. You see, Sean suffers from a psycho-hormonal disorder known as "Chronic Horndog Syndrome," or CHS.

This became obvious to us when after the MMA Party (he was nominated for Most Improved), he contacted us via e-mail. The electronic conversation was brief and revealing.

- Sean - "Hey MTN Guys, who was the girl who hung out with the guy who had wing sauce on his shirt?"

- MTN Guy - "Not sure, but it could have been Ross Weinzierl's girlfriend. Ross really should wear a bib to those events."

- Sean - "Does she like him a lot?"

- MTN Guy - "Of course. Everybody likes Ross."....

- Sean - "No! I mean are they more than just friends?"

- MTN Guy - "Oh yeah! She's got this cool t-shirt that says: 'I don't do triathlons. But I do a triathlete."

After we had convinced Sean that Ross' girlfriend is probably not interested in doing other triathletes, too, he shifted gears.

- Sean - "What about that other pretty girl? Is she taken?"

- MTN Guy - "Dude, there were 42 pretty girls at the party, including your own mom. Can you be more specific?" (Bev Cooley is classy lady who is very nice and, yes, totally hot.)

- Sean - "I'm talking about the girl with the hair on her head."

That's when we knew that except for his mom, Sean was infatuated with every woman at the party. At that moment it was clear to us that Sean Cooley was indeed a chronic horndog.

At present, there is only one known cure for CHS, but Sean isn't ready to sing soprano.

When you read the answers to his questionnaire you'll come across numerous clues which speak to his affliction. Like what? Well, his favorite sports team is the Las Vegas Sin of the Lingerie Football League. And his favorite movie is "Forgetting Sarah Marshall," wherein a frontally nude Jason Segal co-lusts after Kirsten Bell and Mila Kunis. And he refers to himself as a musical chameleon, which means that he'll claim that whatever bands or singers the girl he's talking to likes are his favorites, too.

Sean, whose eyelashes tend to freeze-up in the winter,